How a game changed my perception of life

At the height of pandemic days, face-to-face classes were suspended. What we thought as only a 2-week suspension became years. I never thought that staying at home for too long would burn me out. Before this moment, all I ever did was play online games with my computer, study for exams, and repeat. I was going with the flow in life, until I found this game.

CLICK THOSE CIRCLES

I stumbled upon a game called osu!. It is a rhythm game where you have to click circles and sliders in time of the beat. Mainly, you download a song online to what they call every song a 'beatmap.' I was first introduced to it by my cousin when I was still a little kid. I tried but sucked so bad that I eventually just dropped and forgotten about it.

Transitioning to pandemic days, for lack of anything better to do, I randomly just recalled about the game and thought of trying it again. I still had the goal of beating the first beatmap that made me quit when I was a little kid. It was a song from Galileo Galilei called 'Arashi No Atode.' I downloaded it, hoping to finally finish it. It was also a relatively easy beatmap, 3.98 stars should be easy, right?

Not for me. Looking back at my clicking technique, I was using two fingers on one key in a keyboard. In osu!, you could use two fingers in two keys to help ease the fatigue of using just one finger, and if your timing accuracy is too low, you would fail. I could see the inefficiency of my current technique, since my accuracy is going down a bit at the latter part of the song. Thinking about this, I tried to change it and boy, it was painful.

Not painful physically, but mentally. This bad habit took many days to change, it has been my go-to-technique since I was starting to play. But I knew that the new technique would help me 'git gud' at the game, so I persevered and eventually led me to beating the beatmap.

Seeing that I've beaten the beatmap that beat me to death when I was a kid, it taught me something. Because of this experience, I (not knowingly) created a system that teaches me how to improve in the game. Little did I know, I would use this system to improve on every aspect of my life.

THE RISE

It's worth noting that in my osu! days, I NEVER watched any tutorials or tips and tricks on how to play the game. At this point, osu! is still a hobby game of mine, to pass the time.

See, most of the beatmaps in osu! are anime or Japanese music, which I really enjoy listening to even before playing the game. That was the first reason why I tried playing it again. It widened my taste of music ranging from jazz, to metal. Though my favorite part is discovering some hidden gems, which I would still listen to this day.

Which comes my first point, having fun WHILE improving on the game.

Since beating Arashi no Atode, I tried exploring more. I thought of playing beatmaps that are similar to Arashi no Atode, but a little more harder. I knew that staying in my comfort zone won't make me a better player. As I downloaded more beatmaps, I'm getting used to the new technique and getting more and more happy with how I play. Then I saw a pattern.

Too hard of a beatmap makes me unmotivated to play, but too easy isn't too much fun. So I played just outside of my comfort zone, but not too difficult to make me quit. I discovered the Goldilock's zone, before even knowing that the term exists.

IN THE INTERIM

Another thing to note about me, is I didn't care about my rank. In osu!, you could earn performance points (pp for short), depending on your performance on a beatmap. Writing to this day, I still don't know the underlying mechanics of earning pp, but it didn't bother me.

Although I think it's a pretty good measure to assess your skills, there are instances where some beatmaps are getting more popular because of pp. If you enjoy farming pp, this may filter down your choice of beatmaps, which means fewer song selections, which I didn't really liked.

Fast forward ~1 year since playing the game, I was getting pretty good, clearing 7-8 stars with accuracy and consistently. I still play with mouse and my trusty old keypad. I'm considering this game to be one of my competitive games now, but the only player that you compete is with yourself.

This brings my second point, internally believing in yourself goes a long way.

To have intrinsic self-belief means that your confidence, motivation, and sense of worth come from within you, rather than relying on external validation like praise, perfect grades, or immediate success.

In my case, I naturally didn't lean on to farming pp because I knew that would suck the life out of me. Besides, my system for improving works, as long as I'm consistent. You can't beat someone who's having fun, that's just my opinion though.

THE END (?)

There are things in life that we just cannot control — such as the past, people's opinions, how fast the real world decides to crank up its own difficulty setting.

Eventually, life hit hard, and when life hits hard, it hits good. It just happens, and it forces you to wake up. The endless free time I had during the pandemic slowly reduced to atoms, replaced by the heavy weight of real-world responsibilities. Balancing college, preparing for internship work, and the sudden rush of adulthood took over my schedule. I found myself playing the game less and less.

When I finally tried playing again, my fingers had lost some muscle memory. My reading speed had dropped, albeit slightly. Those 7-8 star maps I used to clear consistently? Became inaccurately inconsistent.

It stung. How a skill you built with so much passion and discipline slowly fades away. I simply don't have the time or energy to grind and maintain that level of play anymore. My trusty old keypad is now collecting dust.

But looking back, that's when I realized. Even though I had to put the game down, the system I unknowingly built never left me.

I might not be clicking circles to a Japanese rock song anymore (though I do still listen to them), but I apply that exact same mindset almost every single day. When faced with a massive project, I break it down, write it in my to-dos, and find my Goldilocks zone to tackle it one at a time. In terms of my career or personal life, I focus on the intrinsic satisfaction of my own growth rather than comparing my 'pp' to the people around me. (all planned)

osu! was my training ground. My life is the actual beatmap now. And while it might feel like a 10-star difficulty with no restart button, I'll just remember how good I click those circles.

We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think it is forever. — Carl Sagan